Yesterday we had something extraordinary here. A couple of gay guys got married here at the zendo. For me it was something rare to see, because I am from a time when nobody married like that. For me a gay marriage would be more of an accident. Something like – figure – a collision between two comets head on in the middle of space. Something so strange that you could not expect to see. Not only that, but also choosing a Buddhist ceremony. But here it’s California, so nobody here at the Zen Center seemed to be surprised. It was a quiet ceremony, very “traditional”, with the monks wearing their dark robes (not always black). The two guys kneeling in front of the table, making their vows. That’s ok for me, and as someone said: “every kind of love is valid”.
Soon I’ll be going to my meditation. We have 2 meditation periods – one in the morning and one in the afternoon. The afternoon is shorter, and also the service is shorter, with only one chant from the book, and less dedications. There is a longer meditation of one week called “seshin” but I’m not in it. I’ll be in the kitchen chopping vegetables and washing pots (whaaaaal!). That’s called Buddhist non-attachment. Then, my traveling back to New Jersey. Kendall told me about this WordPress, she has a blog here and I just put a link to it on this page. Her page is cool, and she has many insights on this place called Green Gulch Zen Center. I can write about it too, since I was here about 2 months working and living without leaving the place. I feel a bit like in an experiment set by a mad scientist. Just that I am both the scientist and the poor mouse. Just because I don’t feel like going anywhere. I feel just lazy, and I don’t have any curiosity about the life that runs outside this valley. Go back to my work, to my previous life? No. I feel that something is missing, naturally. Sex in the first place. A woman close to me. I remember how “romantic love” was important for me before. I still feel it – but somehow now I feel that the dream of a perfect relationship like in a wonderful movie is just that: a dream.
In any case, romantic love is something for teenagers to dream about. And this love has no way of comparison with the feeling one must get when in deep relationship with the whole Universe. So, choosing between love for the Universe, and love for a woman, I prefer to have it for the whole Universe. Of course we are idealistic, and like to imagine our lover as a perfect being, body and soul – an image that crumbles down when it comes to the wordly facts of daily life.
