I’M IN RIVERSIDE, SINCE LAST SUNDAY. I’M IN THE COMPANY OF THE 2 FEMALE CATS IN THE HOUSE. AS I EXPECTED, I COULD NOT MEDITATE THESE LAST DAYS. HERE IT’S TOO HOT AT NIGHT.

I WAS READING THE LAST DIARY OF JIDDU KRISHNAMURTI. THE CHAPTER ON WHICH HE EXPLAINS THINGS ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH. THAT LIFE AND DEATH AREN’T 2 SEPARATED THINGS. IT’S HARD FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND SUCH A STATEMENT. BUT OF COURSE, COMING FROM AN ENLIGHTENED PERSON, THAT SOUNDS EVEN NATURAL.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS THE DIMENSION OF THE MIND FROM WHICH YOU SEE EVERYTHING CLEAR, LIKE THAT – IN LIFE ITSELF YOU CAN LIVE WITH DEATH. FOR ME BOTH ARE SO MUCH SEPARATED THAT I CAN’T SEE THE CONTINUITY.  BUT FOR HIM THERE IS A RENEWAL IN DEATH. ALSO, FOR HIM, LIFE AS WE KNOW IT ( FROM THE DIMENSION OF THE “EGO” OR” THE SELF”) IS BASED IN TIME, AND TIME IS THE OPPOSITE OF OBSERVATION AND LIFE.

SO, IN THIS PARTICULAR KIND OF DEATH, YOU RENEW YOUR OWN LIFE. THIS DEATH FOR HIM MEANS TO DIE FOR YESTERDAY. FOR EVERYTHING THAT PASSED. FOR YOUR ATTACHMENTS, IT MEANS FOR YOUR “EGO”. IT’S LIKE THE MESSAGE OF THE ZEN BUDDHISM, AND SO MANY OTHER MESSAGES TOLD BY THE EASTERN RELIGIONS.

I CAN SAY FOR MYSELF, THAT IN THE MOMENTS WE LIFE A KIND OF EXPERIENCE IN WHICH WE ARE TOTALLY PRESENT WITH OUR SOUL AND BODY, WE LIVE A KIND OF DEATH FOR OURSELVES. WE FORGET ABOUT PAST AND FUTURE, BECAUSE WE ARE FULLY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. AND I GUESS THIS IS WHAT HE TALKS ABOUT.

I CAN SAY THAT I LIVED VERY NICE MOMENTS LIKE THAT,AND THEN I WASN’T WORRIED ABOUT MY OWN LIFE. I WAS MORE CONNECTED WITH THE OTHERS AND THE OTHERNESS., WITH “THAT WHICH IS”. I MEAN, WITH THAT EXISTING TRUTH BUT NOT LIKE WE SEE IT, THROUGH OUR COLOURED LENSES. SO REALITY CAN DEVELOP WITHOUT HINDRANCE.

I’ve just read a friend’s post, “do I go on blogging?”, she asks herself. I think you should go on, Kendall. There is a Brazilian singer, Roberto Carlos, who sang, back in the 70’s: “I want to have 1 million friends – and to be able to sing louder.” That popular song, (if I think about it now) seems so natural, and so plausible for any school girl with access to Internet! And there was no Internet at those times…

But this time there is a kind of illusion in the idea of having friends through Internet, because the geographical distance between people won’t dissapear just like that. There might be a kind of therapeutical relieve in communicating this way, but the physical contact lacks, and badly… That idealistic, romantic idea, seems to lack the concrete ground where the normal friendship normally appears. I guess it has to do with the modern times – we haven’t got the time anymore, to cultivate friendship. Anyway, Kendall, I’m glad to have known you and talk to you ( in this real world, not in the Internet wires!). And keep on telling me your news, ok?

Well, tomorrow I’ll be traveling. I’ll take the plane to New Jersey, where I’ll be staying from now on (I don’t know for how long). The place is called Riverside – it’s a small town but it’s rather close to Philadelphia.

TALKING ABOUT MY IMPRESSIONS IN THIS PLACE:

The last weeks here were very nice, I had some nice feelings of belonging to the Nature, of being part of the whole, at certain moments, when I felt more inspired, I presume. Sometimes I wasn’t in the mood to open myself to a new sensation, a new perception of the world. And I simply turned away from that sensation. Maybe it was fear of loosing a certain certainty about my world. The world in which I find security. That feeling, which I tend to call “holistic perception”, is something misterious indeed. Because for what I understand, it does not come from within our complexes and memories, instincts, and so on… I think it comes from outside… But from where, if everything we feel and think is already stored in our brain from past experiences? If it is a new experience, it must come from outside…

Well, Krishnamurti would say that this misterious energy comes from nowhere. Or from the Universe… like a breeze that touches us for a moment and leaves no trace. But when I was more open, I could feel a wave of calmness inside. Like I was surrounded by the Nature and the Nature protected me. That there was nothing to worry whatsoever. And this being alive in the present moment, that nothing else matters – no future, no past. But again, when it comes, my mind starts to name it, wants to understand it and somehow the magic of it vanishes and slowly my normal mode returns.

What to believe and what not to believe? We think that the theme “God” is something to have faith for. But I think that we must learn to follow our instincts, or better, our logical thinking (it’s the same) when we need to believe in something greater than matter. I’m sure that there is something more to it, than just the Universe as it’s explained and known by science. For me, “God” is just an image, a representation of something that the mind cannot grasp. I believe that everything that divide us from the totality of Life is negative. If we believe in something “bigger” then we must believe that we are “smaller”. That would be the wrong approach to the question. To worship is already divisive. And it’s something merely divisive and in a way, it’s part of our “ego-trip” – we like to dwell in this duality, as if we could take great power from that, and also, great love from a divinity which is basically an invention of thought.

I think that humanity in the past had the need of creating gods to worship and fear. That’s an inherent part of us humans – it’s a psichological need, as well as a means to expand our love for other beings (gratitude). I think that Men in the privitive ages had to find a response to his visions and feelings for the Greatness of Life. I believe we had that even then. So we invented the image called “god” in order to relate to it and convey it to others. To grow faith for our instincts and visions, intuitions and insights – that’s what we need to expand. Because the traditional creeds won’t give us anything anymore. The source is extinguished. When the founders are dead, the enlightened ones that opened someone’s mind are dead, then the mess begins.

Religion cannot provide us with the tools – the tools we need to expand our consciousness and to embrace the Universe. I think that the quantic physics are going to fill that gap and will help us to understand that matter, the atomic dimension, consciousness and all the rest are a mere information stored in the Universal mind. Sooner or later, science (through quantic physics) are going to realize that reality. Matter as information, or thought.

I think that, this way, science will come closer to a religious thought. I think it will fill the need that we all have, to be in contact with that which is holistic and sacred. Sacredness will be something like entering a whole dimension of understanding – or comprehension. This will be, necessarily, the new form of religion for the next decades or centuries. A form based in comprehension of the highest way of connection. And it will be brought by science, because science is based in facts, not in faith, so when these machinery is understood in its highest way, it should bring a new breaktrough, or revolution in our minds.

My favourite reading is Jiddu Krishnamurti.